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2 ways to be more confident

So recently I watched 2 of Charisma on Commands videos about social confidence which I mention briefly here. 

One analyses Don Draper’s character in Mad Men, and the other on Tom holland – and both teach critical lessons which I’ll share today!

Left: Don Draper (cred: Jamie Trueblood/AMC) Right: Tom Holland (cred: Wikipedia)

First: The mindset that “I’ll be ok no matter what“. 

*side note*: This does not apply to actual dangerous situations like cartwheeling off a cliff or saying you don’t like peanut butter and banana toast. 

                                                             _______

So in an ideal world, we’d simply think “Hey, I’ll be ok” and   *POOF*  we’re confident!!

But i’ve tried…and that doesn’t work :'( 

Instead the video stresses: A faster way to be more confident, is to LIVE your belief

Meaning, the more actions you do that contradict your subconscious/conscious limiting thoughts, the easier you’ll develop the mindset, “I’ll be ok”. 

Much like you wouldn’t just think about being the faster potato eater in the world, and then be one, you’ll need to do things that are uncomfortable and prove to yourself you CAN do it (see my own project of that here). 

                                                      ___________

For example, when walking along the pavement, I have the habit of averting eye contact with oncoming pedestrians … until the last second. Then I’ll look at the person from wherever my gaze was before (to the side, down at my phone), and smile.  

Asking me to look straight at them 2-3 meters away and smile is breaking my internal social code of conduct. That, and maintaining eye contact with a stranger makes me uncomfortable. 

To practice and get over this, I look at incoming pedestrians at random times. Maybe 2 meters before, maybe 3? And also, I try to maintain eye contact when talking to people, just for a second or 2 longer (not creepily of course). 

Even though I don’t want to do either, I know that “no matter what the situation, I’ll be fine”. 

The worst that’ll happen is someone telling me to “stop smiling at me please” … or … “I can’t actually concentrate on what I’m saying because you’re staring so much at me and I’m overthinking how to maintain eye contact with you and it’s throwing me off”. 

Second: Let go of managing what people think of you 

I am guilty of doing this. In the past especially, I wanted to be perceived in a certain way and control how people thought of me – compromising my authenticity to ‘achieve’ this. 

But Charlie from the video says this:

“Your deepest confidence is not based on controlling the perceptions of others, but embracing the truth of who you are”

Perceptions are just perceptions. As long as you know your actions aren’t deceitful, or doing something negative, external perceptions don’t mean anything, they’re not personal, and should not affect who you are!

It’s easy to spot someone who’s self-confident. 

There’s an inherent magnetism, that pulls us closer to them. Because, rather than fighting other peoples’ fleeting perceptions, they know they’re being authentic to themselves and know they’ll be ok if that isn’t received well by others. 

Hope this post helped,

Jo x

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